Newsflash! Lasting and successful relationships do not happen incidentally!
They are planned for, and are worked hard to achieve and maintain. If you associate work with a dead end job that you toil at to pay bills, that may not seem like such a great deal. But, if you realize that your work can also be your passion, you’ll have it made to the end of your days.
One reason that people shy away from the responsibility of planning and committing to the relationship of their dreams is that they believe love is lucky.
People tend to see lasting success in relationships as lucky. They’ll say “Lucky in Love”, while shaking their heads and half smiling, perhaps thinking wistfully of the loves they’ve lost. When people think of this common saying, they attribute the success of love to luck. Just dumb, random luck.
This serves two purposes:
1. It helps to externalize the responsibility for one’s own failure in relationships by attributing success to the concept of luck.
2. It allows a person to be complacent in their thinking and actions by placing faith in the external, which is the concept of luck. It’s almost like waiting to win the lottery.
“Americans see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” John Steinbeck
People just as readily view themselves as temporarily embarrassed lovers. Luck will save them, and then they’ll be happy like the other lucky ones.
Here is the deal… There is no such thing as lucky in love, but only love. When you live love and practice on yourself in preparation for your spouse, it is the universal law of attraction that assures you will be coupled with a person of equal goodness. The better you are at something, the luckier you will appear to another who hasn’t put time and practice into a thing. Luck is only an illusion of the unpracticed. The aphorism, “love is more than a feeling” is trite but true. If you have failed in relationships and are looking for a better way, practice the love you wish to receive on yourself.
Practice Like You Want to Play
Practice makes perfect. When you practice love and perfect the art of love, the good feelings that come with love will be a natural and beautiful part of the masterpiece of your life. Does slipshod craftsmanship and half-assed artistry inspire anyone? Neither will your life evoke the feelings you desire unless you approach it with a dedication to the art of making love. Until you are uplifted naturally by your own masterpiece, you will accept temporary highs as the best you can get. Sadly, relationships that aren’t part of your masterpiece of love will fall under the temporary highs, and they will have no substance to inspire a lasting and fruitful love. Temporary highs lead to lows when they fade away, and that low is not something that anyone would hope for or practice.
How are your practicing love on yourself? How are you practicing love in your relationships? How are your practicing love in your work? What colours are you painting your masterpiece with? Are you dedicating time and space to the skill of love? Are you dedicating thought and quiet to plan your masterpiece?
I’ve found that rather than practicing the skill of love and attracting the love of their lives, people have been conditioned to settle for distractions that bring them a temporary feeling.
The reasoning goes something like this- “Hey, if love is lucky and I have to wait my turn, I might as well feel good while I wait!” No one wants to feel bad, so it is natural to tend towards feel-good things without a long term plan.
While you are using another person for the chemicals you allow yourself to feel around them, you are practicing the opposite of love, which is fear. You are practicing hiding from the reality that you are the one who is responsible for the fulfillment in your life with someone who very well could be the love of someone else’s life! It’s pretty awful. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, and we’ve all been brought up in this way. With the divorce rate at over 60% and paltry levels of marriage satisfaction, it’s time we choose a better way.
We have to practice how we want to play, there is no other way about it. If you practice hiding from love in the comfort of other people’s bodies, you won’t be prepared to accept it when it does come around.
The Art of Love- Your Masterpiece
Turn to the art of love today, and concentrate on adding to your masterpiece. You can’t paint this life work if you don’t practice, so look in the mirror and see your canvas. Stop distracting yourself from the big game and start preparing. A dream without a plan will always remain just that; a dream. Reality is built on your plans, so don’t waste another moment.
Be inspired to build the love that you envision and hope for. As you practice on yourself, you’ll start to notice that you naturally open up to others, and your interactions become more about giving. If you desire to give yourself the health, happiness and success you deserve, you’ll have more energy and more desire to fill those same needs in the people around you. The Law of Attraction says that you will find yourself in similar company eventually, but give it time. Practice your masterpiece to make it perfect.
You don’t want to give anything less than the best of yourself for your spouse and your children. You don’t want to look at your broken kids after a divorce and say, “I could have done better.” It’s common for children to say to their parents after divorce, “Why didn’t you just try harder?” So that you don’t have to experience that anguish, I have a preventative question- Why don’t you just plan smarter?
The simple logic goes like this- If you practice temporary satisfaction in relationships, you have no choice but to let yourself down when it comes to longterm expectations. If I expected a virtuoso performance from myself the next time I have a guitar show but did not practice every day in preparation, I would let myself and my audience down.
This doesn’t mean that dating and getting to know a potential mate has to be dull and painful. In fact, it is just the opposite, but it does require a perception change. If you fully believe that there is no point in a relationship outside of fleeting sexual satisfaction, you will find friendship before marriage contemptible. If you believe that discovering more of yourself and you partner before marriage is an adventure and a privilege, then you will be fulfilled and completely content in the friendships you engage in while always having more to offer.
If you are committed to your own lasting fulfillment in life, you will not prematurely give yourself to another who has a different agenda; they will leave you empty and alone. If your agenda happens to be temporary pleasure, you have absolutely no shot at a lasting and significant relationship. A fixation to the feelings that you think a partner gives you, sexually and otherwise, will distract you from the truth of their being. To even care about the truth of someone else, you must first seek to know the truth of yourself.
Love Knows No Fear
Outside of marriage, you will not find that truth in someone else’s body, nor will they in yours. If truth and lasting happiness could be found through sex, everyone who had sex would also find lasting marriages. This clearly is not the case. In a real marriage founded on mutual respect, admiration, honesty and commitment, sex is the truth because that couple desires their love to grow and expand. When the truth of such a couple’s love leads to sex, there is never any fear of the life that can come through their love because love does not know fear.
Most people settle for less then complete respect, admiration, attraction, honesty and love because they don’t believe they are worth it. This is no coincidence, because if our parent’s broke up, they are telling us that we aren’t valuable enough to stay together for. We need two loving parents, so the message of divorce resonates clearly, though not loudly, in our minds as children. In order to believe in such a way that enables you to experience the richness of fulfilling and lasting love, you have to reprogram yourself. The best way to do that is to start a different dialogue with yourself.
When you see yourself in the mirror, see and say “worthy”. See and say “value”. See and say “respectable.” See and say as many positive things about yourself and about what you deserve as you can. Do this every day, several times a day and make it a habit. Do it until you can no longer accept inferior offerings from people who don’t have your lasting fulfillment in mind. Then, do it until you die! What a happy and satisfying death that will be, I guarantee you. Life is what we make of it, and our life is built from our thoughts.
Sexual desire as a human is perfected through sex only when love is present. Love is life, and our love creates new human life to experience and create in different ways yet unknown. In the case of two fearless people in marriage, sex is an adventure into the unknown. For them, sex is perfect and sex is the truth. In their case, each sexual experience is an adventure in love, and because of this, the sex gets better each time, even into the golden years! (This is a real phenomenon- google it)
In another instance, where two people fear the life that they could potentially create through, they suppress their ability to create human life. Instead of sex being loving and adventurous, it becomes trite and all too known. This is one reason so many people’s sex lives fizzle in no time flat. It seems strange that many 80 year-old couples are experiencing immensely greater sexual satisfaction than 20 somethings…Unless you factor in love. Love renews, and lust just dies.
Creating new human life is inarguably the coolest thing in the world, ask your parents. No matter their great accomplishments, you are the most important achievement in their life. You are your parent’s love expressed fearlessly and courageously, and your talents and impact are unlimited. The ability to create you is powerful, and not to be taken lightly. When that power is wielded without the intelligence we were endowed with, bad things happen. The adventure becomes a broken prison, and the new life becomes a slave to fear.
Have you come to expect anything less than lasting love and fulfillment from your relationships? This slavery cycle repeats when new life refuses to break out of the prison and accepts its chains as normal decor. These chains are broken families and broken hearts, emptiness, want, and all limiting beliefs about relationships like “marriage is for suckas”. They keep us from achieving our highest potential in life and our relationships if we accept them.
Fortunately, we have incredibly large and powerful brains. Even the most convincing prison isn’t enough to contain us if we have a desire for something better; if we simply cannot accept the chains.