...and sometimes get a little action. And yes, I was always in pursuit of a long-term relationship. I just didn’t want to deprive myself entirely of sexual activity until I fell in love.” — An excerpt from a post on commitment from a mainstream relationship guru, Evan Marc Katz
There is no self respecting woman who should listen to advice from a man like this. A man plays like he practices, and this man, EMK, has clearly demonstrated that he is committed to feelings, rather than people. This is not the type of advice that lasting and fulfilling relationships are built on. If men practice using women for their bodies, they will never, ever know the depths of a woman in friendship…and friendship is what makes for lasting success in marriage.
I can’t imagine honest women settling for the whimpering offerings of inferior men…unless they think that what is mentioned in the excerpted article is as good as it gets. It gets better if you believe better. If you believe that you deserve a friend who will do anything to know you, rather than anything to take your pants off, you will find such a man.
The limitless splendor of your mind and heart are worth so much more than a fleeting feeling. But, if you settle for those feelings, you will preclude any chance of a man getting to know the real you that lives on after you (and your vagina) die.
You are worth getting to know. You are worth the sacrifice of temporary pleasure, because you are a woman, the bearer of life. You are worth defending and protecting, not using and abusing like a common drug. It doesn’t feel good to be tossed away after a man’s body says, ” I am completely committed and unified with you”. Stop putting yourself in that awful situation!
You deserve lasting success and fulfillment within your relationships, and you will only get what you deserve when you plan for it. If you want commitment and enduring friendship, practice that on yourself and with the men in your life. Don’t accept inferior offerings that would prevent a man focusing on what he has to offer you in a lasting relationship. Honey children, you won’t a man who will last with you in the sack, at least, not until you’ve married that man.
Everyone has sex to offer, and if lasting marriages were built on it, everyone would be happy and together. Since that is clearly not the case, let a man get creative in displaying his desire for you. If he hasn’t shown you all that he is made of, and if he hasn’t proven that he can learn, grow with and admire you for a lifetime, he does not deserve your most intimate knowledge.
The Culmination of Your Creative Capacity
Sex is the culmination of our creative capacity because that is where new human life comes from. Think of Einstein, Tesla, or anyone who has had a profound impact on humanity… This is the power of your creative capacity; it is infinite and powerful. Unless a man has displayed his creativity in ways that reveal his character and his ability to love you completely for a lifetime, the act of sex will be a lie.
Sex says, “I want our love to grow”. Making babies is growing love, so if you have no earthly desire for that love to grow and to continue, find another way to express yourself. The world needs more creativity, more respect, more mindfulness, more real men, and more women who believe that they are worth the wait.
The world doesn’t need more children who are mistrusting of love and who grow up in broken homes. The world doesn’t need more women who fear and scorn their ability to create new life. The world doesn’t need more men who practice using women for their bodies.
Is it any coincidence that men and women historically cannot remain friends after sex? For humans, sex creates a powerful powerful bond that says, “we are together, we are unified.” Chemically speaking, that is what your brain experiences after making love, and this is accomplished through hefty doses of dopamine and oxytocin. This is a good thing, in the context of real love in marriage, because it helps a man and woman remain bonded through their trials. Like raising children, overcoming tragedy and loss, and persevering through myriad difficulties. I’m telling you, when we plan for it, sex is beyond amazing! A prevalent phenomenon among people happily for decades is that the sex gets better each time..How could that be? Love renews, and if you really are in love with your spouse, you will be renewed each time you make love.
If you would not claim all of a man, to include his values, his behaviors, his actions and beliefs, then do not lay claim to all of his body. If you do, you will be tricked into feeling that you are in love. “A man finds love through sex”– I’ll just be over in the corner, vomiting. Forgive the loose paraphrase, I have neither time nor mind to revisit that garbage.
If a relationship is not lasting, fruitful, enduring and healing, it cannot be love because love is all of those things. Love does not say, ” I am kinda bored with you, and I know I said all those things, but this just isn’t happening.” That quote comes from cowardice. That quote leads to kids who have no faith in lasting love, which is a crime. True love actually says, “I am renewed in each moment with you, and I cannot wait for our next adventure together.”
Something To Get Excited About
If you can’t get a man excited about the adventure of knowing you completely, of growing with you spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and preparing himself to accommodate the gift of God that is you for a lifetime, he has no business in your body. If you can’t get a man excited about the limitless adventure in your heart and soul, he is a boor and has nothing of value to offer.
A real man will protect your virtue and cherish your divinity. A real man will extend himself and learn all there is to know about himself before he even meets you; this way, he can give himself fully to you. This real man will not have found himself in other women’s vaginas. Would you argue? Would you want all of those other women’s insecurities, inferiority, jealousy and neediness? That is exactly what you receive if you accept the puny and emasculated offering of what inferior men will provide.
We are not just physical beings, but are energy condensed. Our thoughts and beliefs are intrinsic with our physical form, even though you cannot see them. Because of this, we do not just exchange bodily fluids in coitus, but we swap our thought forms. If a man and a woman are having sex because they are seeking fulfillment outside of themselves, what sort of thought forms do you think they will exchange. Do you want any part of that? If not, change your standards. Change your expectations. Take some time away from the bullshit game of drug abuse via humans, and allow yourself some space to heal. Prepare yourself for the lasting love that you desire and deserve; don’t wast another day.
Let It Sink In
I know this is a lot to take in, but at least consider the idea that you are worth more than what has been labeled as standard. It may seem a little radical even, but when you think about what has become standard…we could use a radical shift in the way that we live. If you want to settle for the brokenness, the divorce, the dejected and forgotten children, and the tiny men… That is your choice. Just know that there is a better way.
Peace, love and babies- Dan