Your wife exists. Whether you have met her or not, she is living, breathing, thinking, feeling, and being beautiful at this very moment. And you are connected to her. If marriage is part of your future, what you think and do now directly affects your spouse. Could you write a letter to her proudly listing off the sacrifices you are making to be the man for her? Could you tell her all the ways you are preparing for a lifelong commitment right now?
If you can’t, don’t worry. The story of your future is written today, and if your past isn’t exactly sparkling, there is nothing preventing you from improving it. 5 years ago I was addicted to porn and casual relationships; my wife was the furthest thing from my mind. But when I made her a priority, when I built my life to include her, I changed my story. That didn’t happen until I made her real in my mind.
To help make your wife real to you, I took the liberty to contact her for the sake of this article. Yes, each and every single one of you are about to make a direct connection with your wife. And she has some questions for you. (Hey, it’s less creepy than question from the graaaaave)
A letter from your future wife
Am I real to you now? If you can’t see me in your mind, what is standing in the way? If you had to climb a mountain, or blow a hole through it to see me, would you? Am I worth the effort? Is our family worth it?
Since we’re in love and married 5 years from now, it’s my obligation to care about what you are doing right now. When I signed up for marriage, I gave all of myself to you: past, present and future. What past will you give to me on our wedding day? Will it be made especially for me? Would you be proud to give it to me, and would you be confident building our future on it? If not, what is keeping you from doing something different today?
What could you do to make our future stronger, more joyful, more secure, and more blissfully in love? You know that I need to feel beautiful, safe, and needed to feel sexy…what are you doing right now to prepare our bed for mind-blowing sex? Do you have a plan for me? Is drooling after naked women part of your plan to respect and cherish me for life? In order to be fully vulnerable with you, I have to know that I am your one and only—mind, spirit, and body.
If I am fully vulnerable with you, there is nothing that can stop our sex from getting better till death do we part. If I know beyond a doubt that you will protect and honor me, I will freely give you everything I have, including the wildest sex you can imagine. And there is no limit to that, except for the thoughts that you carry right now.
Do you think of me when you see other women? Do you see their future husbands too? If I’m so special to you, you can bet those beautiful women have husbands that would die for them too. If you can look at every woman with that level of consideration, I willingly give all of myself to you. And I know you can.
If you and I walked down a street crowded with supermodels, would you show me your thoughts? If I could see your thoughts, what would they say? And would those thoughts be building us up, or tearing us down? Would they be inspired and respectful, or would they be degrading and hurtful? Would you want our sons to think like that? Would you want our daughters to be thought of like that? It doesn’t matter what you thought yesterday as long as you do your best today. Since you know that I’m real right now, all that I care is what you do from this point forward.
I know that you love me, sweetie, so if your thoughts aren’t building our future, please change them. I know it’s a challenge to respect and honor every woman, but I am every woman. Look for me in them. Look for our children in them. The life we have together is worth the effort, trust me.
(author’s note: Hi, Dan here. After your wife said “trust me”, she gave a deeply satisfied and perhaps sexually suggestive look toward you. Thought you should know. Back to your wife)
If I’m going to commit to you for a lifetime, I need to know how deep your love goes, and I want to know that you can be a friend. Next time you are inspired by another woman, I want you to take your thoughts to what you can do for her.
How can you respect her? What can you create to make a world where she feels safe and cherished? How can you remind her of the husband she has yet to meet? How can you restore her faith in men? All these questions will reveal the man that I know you are (I’ve seen the future), so don’t be afraid to ask them.
I ask these things because I know you want other men to think the same things when they see me. If you love me like I know you do, you will treat the future wives of every man with the same dignity you want for me.
I know it’s hard because you aren’t expected to love unconditionally in this world, but I need you to love me with everything you have. Our happiness depends on your thoughts.
I need to talk to you about our sex
I need you to love every bit of me if we’re going to do this right. You’ll love my smile, the way I make you laugh and tease you when you get too serious, and you’ll love my sexiness. But will you love my future? Will you love our future together?
If there is one thing I can’t stand in a man, it is fear. I need you, my husband, to be courageous and loving and prepared for the new life we create. If you can’t love my ability to create new life, our intimacy will have a limit, and so will our sex.
This is difficult to think about because of the world we live in, but our fertility is what will make or break us; our relationships have evolved with it for millions of years. I need proof that your love is unconditional, and not based on convenience. I need to know that you will be a selfless and prepared father for our children, because I refuse to set them up for heartbreak. World peace is not built on broken families, and I don’t want to be a dreamer; I want to build peace with you through our family.
I can’t even think about a child being unwanted, let alone my own. And I can’t think of fearing the gift of my fertility because there are too many couples who would die to have their own child.
So will you be able to control yourself if we aren’t prepared for another child? Will you be able to show me your love in other ways when I’m fertile? Will our sex be a courageous act of faith and unconditional love, or will it be a convenience?
I don’t want our love to be convenient. I want it to revolutionize our lives and inspire us to grow each day. I want our love to be bold and daring; I want to be challenged by it. We need to be challenged by our love, or else we’ll grow weak and fall apart. You are too important to me to even think of that, so please: think deeply on what our sex means to our life together.
We can either work with life to live beautifully, or work against life to live conveniently. Since my husband is courageous, I know what choices you will make. Since I know that you love me and our future together, I am fully confident in the life you live from here on out, for you, and for us.
When you are tempted to settle for less, or give up, think of us. Think of me, because I am here, living, breathing, needing your love, and preparing my heart for you. Write me a letter every week and whenever you feel doubt to keep our connection alive. Keep me updated with the amazing things you are doing for our future. You can give these to me on our wedding day.
I love you darling,
A note from the author
I bet you didn’t know your wife would be named Juanita, huh? I know, it surprised me too! To be real, Juanita is one of the most sublimely beautiful women I’ve seen. She’s definitely worth the extra effort, and I hope you make her real in your thoughts today. There are PLENTY of men she could pick from; trust me.