“In fact, a 2011 British study found that men who view porn may crave intimacy and closeness more than nonusers do, suggesting that porn isn’t just an escape from connection but could also be part of the search for it.” — Excerpt from a Men’s Health article.
Is this a joke? Meth addicts crave the pleasure of meth more than non-users. The further you distance yourself from a thing, like intimate connection, the more you will crave it. If you seek that unintelligently, like with porn, you will crave more and enjoy less, much like any other drug.
Porn usage stems from the deepest desire to connect intimately. It just happens to be the most unintelligent way, because it dampens the ability to connect with a woman in real life. Instead of desire leading to reciprocity, meaningful connection, and bonding, in the case of porn, it connects a beautiful sexual desire to a lifeless screen. This is no connection at all. This has no meaning, and it detracts from a person’s ability to relate with real people in healthy ways.
Guys- If you want to have a lasting and meaningful connection with your wives, would you want to prepare for that by: A- practicing transient and empty connections with a screen? Or B- Sharpening your ability to relate with family, friends and your community?
Simply put, pornographic viewing is an unintelligent and ugly response to a supremely intelligent and beautiful natural desire. What would be more appealing for your future spouses- a man tucked away in a dark corner, zombied-out, refining his own narcissism and ability to objectify women? Or, a man who is moved by sexual desire to fill his life and all of his connections with meaning, creativity and purpose? A man who channels his sexual desire into his work and his own edification? The latter man is inspired by all beautiful women to respect and honor; he is preparing for the deep connection that we desire and require in marriage. All women deserve this type of man. It is a shame that “normal” male behavior has been inverted to destroy intimacy and degrade women. Women- do not allow this in your relationships. Men- Transcend this. You were born to cherish women, to protect them, to serve them, to honor them and to know them. You cannot appreciate what you do not know. You cannot know if you cannot connect.
Don’t try to let any ”research” convince you of what your heart knows is false. That is an uphill battle, and everyone loses. Women are to be respected, cherished and admired. They are here to share the adventure of life with abundantly and adventurously. There is no adventure in pornography- that fleeting pleasure is all too known, from the road to it, the passing pleasure, and the emptiness after.
To commit to a woman for life as a married couple is the adventure of a lifetime; each day unknown, each child unknown, and each solution to the many challenges of life altogether unknown. The unknown and the mystery is the richness of life. It is what makes life novel and worth living. It is what makes sex better each time for truly committed partners even into the golden years (that is a real phenomenon- look it up).
But you must be prepared to face it courageously and intelligently, otherwise, you will settle for a trite series of faded pleasure and regret.. You must plan for this adventure, or you will end up staying home, masturbating to an empty screen and severing your connection with life itself.