Being to Have


You cannot have what you are in what of, you can only have what you know to be yours. For this reason, you must be the love of your life to have the love of your life. If you never had yourself, you will never have another, and your relationships will fall to fear and want. If you want a lasting and fulfilling relationship with yourself and with your spouse, follow these bold strategies.


Have yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself and embrace yourself. Be fulfilled in yourself and look forward to spending the rest of your life with you. Until you do this, you absolutely cannot attract someone who will be equally thrilled and fulfilled with themselves to build a lifetime of love and satisfaction with. Until you are a mentor to others, until you have mentors yourself, until you are active and involved in creating peace and success in your community, and until you have mastered your own life, your relationships will fall short.

Part of yourself is the things you have yet to accomplish that are instrumental to your success. You have to see your successful and fulfilled self as who you are now. This way, the energy you spend in accomplishing the goals and challenges you set is seen as worthwhile and relevant. You have to see your spouse and children as playing active roles in your life now from the future. With this perspective, you can strive to fill their needs and to complete the things you need to to accommodate them, and to provide a stable and committed love that will last a lifetime. To be, you must have.

All of the natural institutions for mankind actively support the others. Strong relationships lead to marriages, and strong marriages lead to strong communities. If you take part in strengthening the community before marriage, you prepare yourself and strengthen your future marriage. If you focus on creating strong and giving relationships with your friends, you will strengthen a community that will in turn support happily married couples and their children, who will in turn strengthen each of the natural institutions. This is good for kids, parents, business partners, and everyone else. Take charge of what you have by giving it to yourself every day by following the blueprint of belief; the law of attraction.

You want a committed and faithful partner who honors you and respects you, who treasures your company and who relishes the thought of spending a lifetime together with you? If so, commit to yourself and commit to that partner, even if you haven’t met them. If they are in your future, they are directly connected to you right now, so practice now like you want to play.

Be faithful to yourself, and be faithful to your spouse. How would your spouse feel if he or she knew that you were skeezing around without any faith? How would you feel knowing that you weren’t giving your best effort for the thing you want to last a lifetime? Whether you have met your partner or not, you are directly connected, past present and future. With this in mind, practice your faith in them by increasing it in yourself here and now. Hint: You won’t find that faith in other people.

Lifelong happiness and fulfillment aren’t built on STDS, they aren’t built on seeking fulfillment in the temporary pleasure of another’s body, they aren’t built on unplanned children that aren’t related to your spouse, and they aren’t built on intense chemical attachments that you invariably form with each sex partner.  Lifelong happiness and fulfillment are built on faith.

This is to say nothing of all the emotional baggage and negative beliefs that can be exchanged through sex outside of love. If you have had many sex partners, like I had, this doesn’t mean that you can’t have lasting and fulfilled happiness with your spouse. It simply means that you have work to do to free yourself from those attachments. The more you rely on faith and wisdom in living a rich life, you will see former attachments fall to the wayside. Anything that held you back from the truth of your highest self is an attachment, no matter how good it felt.


Honor and respect yourself

Do this by mastering your desires and your potential. If you don’t use your desires to achieve your greatest potential, you will become a slave to them. If you are pursuing feelings with a person who will not lead to marriage, think of all of the plans and goals you have yet to complete that would make you more available, more rich, more wise and more abundant for the one you will share a lifetime with. Your sexual desires are the stuff of legend- everything beautiful that has ever been built is ultimately connected to it. Just like any other tool, you can use it in an honorable and respectful way that builds you up, or, you can use it to reach low hanging fruit.  Entirely up to you.


Treasure your company.

If you find yourself itching to dial up an old flame to relieve your boredom, think about yourself first. Would seeking momentary gratification in another truly alleviate the restlessness and boredom that you harbor? It’ll suppress it for a time, but you won’t have accomplished anything that will add to your future or your family. Because of this, I suggest focusing so intensely on the awesome talents you have and the new ones you want to explore that there will never be a dull moment. Each moment, whether in your head, in a book or in real life, you can be building up your talents and interests that will lead to a more fulfilled, exciting and enjoyable life.

What are the things that you really, really want to master? Don’t push them off another second, because you play like you practice. You can’t keep pushing away the responsibility for living a high energy and intensely interesting life and expect to extract those awesome qualities in a relationship. Go. Out. Side. Get three books on the top three subjects that interest you, and then get audiobooks on new subjects that fascinate you. Do spontaneous ninja-kicks. In order to be interesting, you have to be interested. Happy marriages that last lifetimes are built on interesting people who are interested in each other so much that they continue to learn and explore with one another for an entire lifetime.

If you are interested, you will never be bored. If you are interested, you will always have something to do and something new to learn, some milestone to achieve. Interested is a feeling that is driven by an action,  which is learning. If you aren’t interested in anything, then you have lost the art of learning. The good news is that you can pick this back up at any time by your will and your will alone. Commit to learning, plan on learning, set time aside for it, and believe that you are capable of being interested and interesting. Before you know it, you’ll be looking up YouTube videos and searching out new information without realizing, and then it will hit you: you’re doing this because you are interested!!

One of the biggest excuses for not bringing out the best in your self and focusing intensely on living passionately day in and day out is: I’m a romantic! What a load of craP with a capital P. I should know, because I used this for many years until I took responsibility for fulfilling my own needs, talents, passions and desires. I would claim that I just loved love too much, but the truth was that I really liked lust, and liked placing the responsibility for my own happiness in another’s hands. I used love as an excuse to turn away from my responsibility for creating joy and meaning in my life.

I only found success and lasting happiness when I devoted my time to the person who I would ultimately spend the rest of my life with…me!  With a good, devoted and faithful me who believes in lasting relationships, I am actively attracting the good and faithful wife whom I can share my life with. Until you have you and until you make that you a good you, you’ll float in and out of relationships, wherever the feelings dictate. Until you are committed to yourself and to other people, you will be committed to the feelings which flow in and out of relationships, leaving a trail of debris in their wake.
Take charge of your life and relationships by getting over your limiting beliefs and having what you used to want. I like the quote by Yoda- “There is no try, only do”. I have a corollary. There is no want, only be.

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