I had the pleasure of interviewing your future wife a couple weeks ago in my ‘Letter From Your Future Wife’ article. You guys loved it, and the ladies loved it too. So I went back for round two and got more insights about what your wife is looking for. Since your wife is smart, she disguised her gems in a series of 10 questions just for you. They’ll challenge you. They’ll engage your mind, and help you to become the best man you can be. Especially #9.
1-Would you be proud to share your thoughts about other women with me?
Our lives are built on our thoughts. So if they are charitable, generous, and respectful, you’ll have the foundation for happy relationships and a good life. If you view women with less dignity and respect than they deserve…your wife will ultimately pay the price.
Just because you admire other women’s beauty doesn’t mean your thoughts are bad. Your wife wants you to see and be moved by the beauty of all women, but where you are moved to is up to you. Will you be the master of sexual desire or will it master you? Your thoughts will determine that.
2-What do you really want to build with me?
Your wife is a human being, which means she is here to create. She isn’t a safeguard from loneliness, and she isn’t a free pass for sex. She wants to build something meaningful with you and add to it for a lifetime. She wants to make a masterpiece out of your love, and have the world be a better place for it. So what are you actually planning to build with her? Will it be something you’re proud to share with your family and future generations? Will it be a work of art? Will it be a source of security and prosperity for those to come?
3-What makes you think you’re ready for me?
What makes you think you have what it takes to grow with someone and love them better for a lifetime? These things are required for a lasting marriage, but they take virtue and commitment. Have you demonstrated a commitment to personal and spiritual growth? Have you learned to love yourself better with each passing year? If not, focus less on looking for the right girl, and more on being the right man.
If you haven’t found your calling yet, look for that now. You are blessed with totally unique gifts and talents that can be used to build a brighter future for all of us. And when you find your calling, you live an inspired life of serving others. That also happens to be the basis of unconditional love, and the precise road you’ll meet your wife on.
4-Is the respect and honor of women your highest priority?
Do you strive to support the worthiness of all women in all parts of your life? Your wife will be your most precious angel; so will your sweet daughters. And when you look at other women, you are looking at someone else’s wife or daughter—you’re looking at a precious angel.
How you look at them and the way you treat them is how you consent for your own precious angels to be viewed and treated. Will that be with the utmost respect and dignity? Or will it be degrading in any way? Society doesn’t expect you to respect women with your thoughts, but your wife and children depend on it for their happiness. They depend on you.
5-Will I grow old with a fit and happy man, or will I have to watch you fall apart?
If you plan on doing the family thing right, you’re going to have lots of people depending on you for as long as you live. And if you’ve made fitness a lifestyle, you’ll be strong and capable till your dying days. You’ll also be able to please your wife sexually into the golden years, and play with your kids and grandkids till you drop.
That’s the good life, and your fitness is a key part of it. How could you better commit to being a whole and healthy husband and father?
6-Will you be the man to make the right decision even when everyone else says it’s wrong?
Your wife doesn’t need someone who follows the crowd, because the crowd is marching off a cliff. So do you have the courage to do what’s right no matter the consequence? Do you have the conviction to follow your heart and mind no matter the popular opinion? Are you this guy? (Insert picture of german soldier)
7-Are your friends helping or hurting our marriage?
Since friendship is what marriage is based on, friendship is what supports it. Because studies show 75% higher divorce rates in couple’s whose friends divorce, this fact is not hypothetical: your marriage depends on your friendships.
So what kind of friends are you bonded with? What kind of thoughts and behaviors are they sharing with you? Are they helping you to be a stronger and more courageous husband, or do they encourage you to settle? Do they challenge you to think for yourself and live to higher standards, or are they selfish and comfortable? If you have solid friendships with respectful and virtuous men, your wife will be supported all the more, and your life will be richer. So find and be a better friend.
8-Do you have any ties with your exes?
Your wife needs you. Not 90 or 99 percent, but all of you. One thing that will keep you from giving your full commitment to marriage is a lingering attachment to other women. Whether the bonds are sexual, emotional, or otherwise, attachments to exes will restrict your ability to give all of yourself freely to your wife. And without a full gift of your life, jealousy and invulnerability will work to destroy a relationship.
So do you have any connection to your former girlfriends? Can you think of them without wistfully reminiscing, or having your eyes glaze over? If the relationship failed, it wasn’t worth hanging on to. But physical attachments have a funny way of making relationships look way better than they actually were.
If you aren’t 100% over your exes and totally free from attachment, make a mindful practice to become free. Dissolve the physical and emotional bonds in any way possible. This requires reflection, forgiveness and being realistic. You can’t expect to keep in touch with a sexual ex and not rekindle old feelings at some time or other.
9-Do you know what love is? Seriously, do you know what love is?
Our most important life decisions are driven by love, but most people don’t have any concept of what it actually is. Do you know how precious it is? Do you know how worthy it is to make sacrifices for? Do you know how rich it will make your life? Do you know how to practice love unconditionally?
If you don’t know these things, you won’t be able to master your life or relationships; there will be a blind spot that wrecks your progress. So if you want to master love and share it with your spouse for a lifetime, learn more about it. Become a student of love. Read my free e-book to get started.
10-What have you sacrificed to make our marriage special?
It’s a universal fact that the good things in life don’t come easy. But when it comes to romance, we have selective memory. Could it be that life and work are so stressful that we look for an escape in romance? With how sex has become a commodity, and how casual dating is, it certainly seems so.
But love in marriage isn’t an escape; it’s the journey and challenge of a lifetime. And just like you have to sacrifice to grow in strength or education, the same is required for love. So what sacrifices have you made for lasting love with your precious angel?
A couple sacrifices I happily made were giving up porn and casual relationships. Now I’m able to look at women without thinking of what I can take, but what I have to share and how I can grow through the inspiration of their beauty. And I’m closer to my future wife, my friends, and my family.
Your wife needs a man who makes love his masterpiece. And you need a woman with the same approach. What would prevent you from being that man and marrying that woman? If you ask the right questions and have the courage to challenge yourself, the answer is nothing.
What question do you want to ask your future wife? Put it in the comments section below and, if it’s good enough, I’ll feature it in next week’s article!