Why Are You Settling for Harmful Men?


Why?

 

...and sometimes get a little action. And yes, I was always in pursuit of a long-term relationship. I just didn’t want to deprive myself entirely of sexual activity until I fell in love.”  — An excerpt from a post on commitment from a mainstream relationship guru, Evan Marc Katz

There is no self respecting woman who should listen to advice from a man like this. A man plays like he practices, and this man, EMK, has clearly demonstrated that he is committed to feelings, rather than people.  This is not the type of advice that lasting and fulfilling relationships are built on. If men practice using women for their bodies, they will never, ever know the depths of a woman in friendship…and friendship is what makes for lasting success in marriage.

I can’t imagine honest women settling for the whimpering offerings of inferior men…unless they think that what is mentioned in the excerpted article is as good as it gets. It gets better if you believe better. If you believe that you deserve a friend who will do anything to know you, rather than anything to take your pants off, you will find such a man.

The limitless splendor of your mind and heart are worth so much more than a fleeting feeling. But, if you settle for those feelings, you will preclude any chance of a man getting to know the real you that lives on after you (and your vagina) die.

You are worth getting to know. You are worth the sacrifice of temporary pleasure, because you are a woman, the bearer of life. You are worth defending and protecting, not using and abusing like a common drug. It doesn’t feel good to be tossed away after a man’s body says, ” I am completely committed and unified with you”. Stop putting yourself in that awful situation!

You deserve lasting success and fulfillment within your relationships, and you will only get what you deserve when you plan for it. If you want commitment and enduring friendship, practice that on yourself and with the men in your life. Don’t accept inferior offerings that would prevent a man focusing on what he has to offer you in a lasting relationship. Honey children, you won’t a man who will last with you in the sack, at least, not until you’ve married that man.

Everyone has sex to offer, and if lasting marriages were built on it, everyone would be happy and together. Since that is clearly not the case, let a man get creative in displaying his desire for you. If he hasn’t shown you all that he is made of, and if he hasn’t proven that he can learn, grow with and admire you for a lifetime, he does not deserve your most intimate knowledge.

 

The Culmination of Your Creative Capacity

 

Sex is the culmination of our creative capacity because that is where new human life comes from. Think of Einstein, Tesla, or anyone who has had a profound impact on humanity… This is the power of your creative capacity; it is infinite and powerful.  Unless a man has displayed his creativity in ways that reveal his character and his ability to love you completely for a lifetime, the act of sex will be a lie.

Sex says, “I want our love to grow”. Making babies is growing love, so if you have no earthly desire for that love to grow and to continue, find another way to express yourself. The world needs more creativity, more respect, more mindfulness, more real men, and more women who believe that they are worth the wait.

The world doesn’t need more children who are mistrusting of love and who grow up in broken homes. The world doesn’t need more women who fear and scorn their ability to create new life. The world doesn’t need more men who practice using women for their bodies.

Is it any coincidence that men and women historically cannot remain friends after sex? For humans, sex creates a powerful powerful bond that says, “we are together, we are unified.” Chemically speaking, that is what your brain experiences after making love, and this is accomplished through hefty doses of dopamine and oxytocin. This is a good thing, in the context of real love in marriage, because it helps a man and woman remain bonded through their trials. Like raising children, overcoming tragedy and loss, and persevering through myriad difficulties. I’m telling you, when we plan for it, sex is beyond amazing!  A prevalent phenomenon among people happily for decades is that the sex gets better each time..How could that be?  Love renews, and if you really are in love with your spouse, you will be renewed each time you make love.

If you would not claim all of a man, to include his values, his behaviors, his actions and beliefs, then do not lay claim to all of his body. If you do, you will be tricked into feeling that you are in love. “A man finds love through sex”– I’ll just be over in the corner, vomiting. Forgive the loose paraphrase, I have neither time nor mind to revisit that garbage.

If a relationship is not lasting, fruitful, enduring and healing, it cannot be love because love is all of those things. Love does not say, ” I am kinda bored with you, and I know I said all those things, but this just isn’t happening.” That quote comes from cowardice. That quote leads to kids who have no faith in lasting love, which is a crime. True love actually says, “I am renewed in each moment with you, and I cannot wait for our next adventure together.”

 

 

Something To Get Excited About

 

If you can’t get a man excited about the adventure of knowing you completely, of growing with you spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and preparing himself to accommodate the gift of God that is you for a lifetime, he has no business in your body. If you can’t get a man excited about the limitless adventure in your heart and soul, he is a boor and has nothing of value to offer.

A real man will protect your virtue and cherish your divinity. A real man will extend himself and learn all there is to know about himself before he even meets you; this way, he can give himself fully to you. This real man will not have found himself in other women’s vaginas. Would you argue? Would you want all of those other women’s insecurities, inferiority, jealousy and neediness? That is exactly what you receive if you accept the puny and emasculated offering of what inferior men will provide.

We are not just physical beings, but are energy condensed. Our thoughts and beliefs are intrinsic with our physical form, even though you cannot see them. Because of this, we do not just exchange bodily fluids in coitus, but we swap our thought forms. If a man and a woman are having sex because they are seeking fulfillment outside of themselves, what sort of thought forms do you think they will exchange. Do you want any part of that? If not, change your standards. Change your expectations. Take some time away from the bullshit game of drug abuse via humans, and allow yourself some space to heal. Prepare yourself for the lasting love that you desire and deserve; don’t wast another day.

 

Let It Sink In

 

I know this is a lot to take in, but at least consider the idea that you are worth more than what has been labeled as standard. It may seem a little radical even, but when you think about what has become standard…we could use a radical shift in the way that we live. If you want to settle for the brokenness, the divorce, the dejected and forgotten children, and the tiny men… That is your choice. Just know that there is a better way.

Peace, love and babies- Dan

New Book!


Blueprint Belief

 

My newest book has just been published on Amazon!

I don’t know how many books started off as text messages, but this has to be one of the very few. One of my best friends was having some serious relationship difficulties and was expressing them to me over a text. I had to ask myself, “Do I want to tell him that it’ll get better, or do I want to give him a plan to create the happiness he wants?” What started off as a text turned into an email, and the email into a word document, a word document into a manuscript, and the manuscript into the finished, full length book entitled, ‘Blueprint Belief: Planning Happiness in Your Relationships’

This book helps men and women use the law of attraction to their advantage by cultivating their ideal relationship traits in themselves in preparation for their partners. It combines equal parts humor, candor, intellect and faith in confronting the major wounds that have held us all back from the happiness that we deserve in any relationship. ‘Blueprint Belief’ leaves the reader refreshed, hopeful, empowered, encouraged and revitalized to tackle our greatest adventure- lifelong relationships.

I hope you all enjoy this book as much as I did in writing it, and can use the knowledge within to create the lasting relationships that you deserve and desire.  Cheers to your success!–

Daniel

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Coyote Killing Contests: Why They Impact You

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Coyote Killing Contests: Why They Impact You
I have a sincere appreciation for wildlife that stems from my education and research, time spent in the wilderness, and a sense of duty to play my part as a steward. I have adopted the role of conservationist, and in my work I have come across a startling phenomenon: Coyote killing contests.

These contests are operated by outdoor outfitters and organizations that distribute prize money and winnings to groups of hunters who kill the most coyotes. There are categories for other prizes, such as most pups killed and most pregnant females killed. Such contests are not limited to coyotes and often include foxes, bobcats, cougars and similar graceful predators.

Oftentimes greyhound rescues are recruited to these events to decoy coyotes out of hiding. Coyotes naturally defend their territory, and this results in injury to our domestic canid friends as well. Contest participants frequently leave their dogs out in the wild if unresponsive to a call back, or are injured.

There is no utility in these contests. The targeted animals aren’t going to feed the families of honest hunters, but are discarded promptly. If people only understood the benefits that coyotes and other predators offer our communities, there would be legislative action in all 50 states by next tuesday.

 

What Coyotes Do for Us

 

Your Home

It has been established in bigger cities, like Chicago, that decreases in local predators result in more pest complaints. Coyotes prey upon mice and other rodents that pose a direct threat to your home, and this makes them a useful ally. Also, they keep raccoon and opossum populations in check, which means that the songbirds you love to hear will be safe.

Your Community

Established packs with an alpha male and female act as guardians for your community. These family packs are directed by the alphas who teach pups how to hunt, what to hunt and where to hunt, which is anywhere but your community!  These territorial packs prevent transient coyotes from digging up garbage, preying on pets and posing a problem to your community.

 Ranching

It has been proven that indiscriminate killing of coyotes results in compensatory reproduction and eventual population increase. This occurs through unregulated mating after the extermination of alpha pairs.

With a rapid decrease in predator population comes a concomitant increase in prey animals; rabbits, deer and the like. These prey animals feed on the same forage as rancher’s cattle, thus increasing competition for resources. This directly conflicts the interest of ranchers, considering that fewer than .5 percent of cattle losses are attributed to predation.

Study on Rabbits and Bison

 

Rather than posing a problem for ranchers, the scientific evidence suggests that coyotes are here to help!

 

 

Questioning the Carnage

Considering all of this, I have questions for participants in these contests.

Are you respecting the coyotes? Are you respecting the wildlife? Do they deserve respect? Do you deserve respect? Is there anything that doesn’t deserve respect?

Are you promoting a culture of life or a culture of death? Would you rather your child learn how to coexist peacefully with animals or to kill them indiscriminately?

Is the coyote’s incredible resiliency an excuse to kill without remorse or an indicator that it is incredibly important in the ecosystem?

Are there better ways that you could be spending your time than killing coyotes? Have you researched the ways in which mass and indiscriminate killing of coyotes is counterproductive to the ends that ranchers desire? Did you know that the killing of pack animals who know how how to coexist with ranchers makes room for loners to come through who have yet to learn?

Is there a better way for you to prove your skill in marksmanship? Could you possibly play a video game if you absolutely had to satisfy an urge for bloodlust? When you look back on this life, will you be proud to share a legacy of remorseless and senseless killing with your progeny?

Could killing coyotes in droves possibly be a bad decision? Does your wife love you for how many coyotes you kill or does she love you for the lives you improve? Would your world come crashing to an end if you realized that killing coyotes wasn’t the best use of your time?

If you had to explain to a 5 year old child what you do with your spare time and why, would you be entirely comfortable? Are there any intelligent reasons for you to continue to kill coyotes that you can scientifically validate? Why do you think it is that the overwhelming majority of people vehemently oppose coyote killing contests?

If you were moved to explore deeper into the subject, don’t hesitate to contact me. Please visit www.projectcoyote.org for insights and scientifically vetted information on these beautiful and important creatures.

Open Letter to Musicians

 

Open Letter to Musicians

I think musicians are some of the most influential people in the world. Every day, billions of people are being motivated and inspired through their favorite artists. An artist doesn’t have to have a million different fans to make a profound difference in other people’s lives, but only a handful of committed and devoted followers. Some of my favorite bands have fewer than 2,000 likes on Facebook, and some truly powerful artists I’ve encountered are all but unknown.

Artists are powerful because of their inherent grasp of emotion and of feeling. Musicians wouldn’t make music unless it made them feel something; music is what feeling sounds like. Untold movements have been propelled through feeling, and not all of them good. I’m mentioning this because, whether an artist realizes it or not, their work has profound impacts through their mastery of emotion. I want artists to reconsider what they are filling their music with and how it affects people’s lives. I want musicians to consider whether the content of their music is creating a world of peace, or if it is influencing war.

I don’t regard world peace as something that is outside of our hands. The concept of world peace has been distorted and mystified so that we would believe only governments can have any say in it. This is patently false, because peace is not built by governments from the top down, rather, it is built by families and communities from the ground up. Peace is built through interpersonal relationships, not intergovernmental relationships.

Until we can figure out how to relate peaceably with one another, especially in the context of romantic relationships, we will not know peace. Until we can figure out how to plan for meaningful and lasting relationships that foster a healing environment for ourselves and for our children, we will perpetuate the cycle of brokenness. This cycle is a cycle of war because it opposes peace. The greatest and largest war is not in the middle east nor does it have any media coverage, and for this reason, most do not recognize it to exist.

The Law of Attraction, Your Music and Your Audience

The law of attraction is an important concept that most overlook in their personal lives. This law states that like attracts like. It is a universal law that affects our perceptions and actions just like the law of gravity, or any other law, whether we recognize it to exist or not. Because of this law, our thoughts build our reality. Our thoughts have measurable energy that, over enough time, accumulate and are made manifest. When we have ugly thoughts, we live ugly lives. When we have beautiful thoughts, we lead beautiful lives.

The law of attraction is the driving force behind many common adages: Be careful what you wish for. Choose your company wisely. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. All of these and more are built on the idea that like attracts like. We become what we surround ourselves with, without a doubt. The most important thing that we surround ourselves with is our own thoughts, because our thoughts are the first step in building our reality.

Our thoughts are easily influenced by information around us because of the law of attraction. If we immerse ourselves in a certain type of information, our thoughts will be changed, and thus, our reality. It is a gradual process and it doesn’t happen overnight, so, in a world of instant everything, this process is scarcely recognized. Because of this, people surround themselves with what makes them feel good in the moment, and what they can connect with instantly. Because of this, music has become one of the greatest instruments of war.

Think of it like this: Is your music making an emotional appeal to lasting success in relationships and peace within them? Or, is your music glorifying the thoughts and habits that lead to insecurity, unfulfillment, broken relationships, and kids who don’t know what it is like to have a loving mother and father?

Think carefully on this, because your messages are powerful; you are a musician. You have devoted fans that make intimate connections through the emotional art of your craft. Do you want your fans to be immersed with thoughts and ideas that they can build lasting relationships, happiness and a lifetime fulfillment with? Or, do you want the people who support your career to fail in relationships, to know want, misery, desolation, loneliness and brokenness? What about their kids and their families? This surely isn’t to say that you are ultimately responsible for their lives, because that is false; you are only responsible for you. That said, what kind of you do you want to be? What kind of friend do you want to be? What kind of impact do you want to have on the world through your music?

If you recognize that our world is ultimately made up of thoughts and beliefs, you have to seriously consider what thoughts and beliefs are driving your life, and what thoughts and beliefs you are sharing with the world. This view is empowering because it means that you are totally in control of your life, and that your thoughts and actions are critical to the whole world. At the same time, it can be a kick in the ass. Changing your thoughts is like reversing the direction of a train because there is considerable momentum. Your whole world is built of them, so they carry weight.

Music Test

I have some samples of music from various prolific artists in the community and I want you to break down their meaning and significance with me. I want you to assign these bits of information into 2 categories: Peace and War. The category of Peace will be comprised of information that empowers an individual to live a significant life filled with lasting and successful relationships. The War category will be comprised of bits of information that would ultimately lead a person to believe that their power and fulfillment lies outside of them, whether that be in another person or whatever. Everything that we do is backed by the law of attraction, so the former category will have information that would build lasting success and happiness, while the latter category would have thoughts that lead to brokenness.

*Note* There are two types of relationships two types of relationships. 1- Commitments to people. And 2- Commitments to feelings. Commitments to feeling lead people in and out of relationships as the feelings go, leaving broken families and divorces in the wake. Commitments to people, however, start off with an individual’s commitment to their own happiness and fulfillment. Because they are fulfilled, they can view and appreciate a person for what they do, how they think and what makes them unique, rather than simply for the feelings that a person can extract from them. Decide whether these songs sing of commitments to feelings or commitments to people.

Noah and the Whale
Well if you can, you should try and learn to forgive yourself, night and day, the world will try to make you something else, but you’re not alone on the earth tonight, no you’re not alone in the blinking lights. Victory, will be one and lost a thousand times, so if you can, offer empathy don’t get lost in pride, oh forgive your friends, they are only young, oh forgive your friends like you’ve always done.

Seasick Mama
I think I lost my mind that weekend, I think I lost my mind, thanks to you. Take you by surprise all weekend, take you by surprise, it’s hard to do. Oh honey I know we could have lit the room on fire. Burn that damn house down with both of us inside… Oh honey you burned me good, cooked me from the inside out. I know I should have tried to take you to bed that night.

*I should have tried to take you to bed that night so I could learn more about the real you, the uniqueness and the values that would provide the foundation for a lifetime of limitless joy and exploration together? Or- I should have tried to take you to bed that night so I could use you as a common drug and then abandon you as soon as the feeling fades away.

Amos Lee
Baby I want you, baby I want you, baby I do. Darling I love you, Darling I love you, you know that it’s true. Don’t leave me here out on my own, don’t you know I hate to be alone, I just want to be a part of your whole. Baby I want you, baby I want you, baby I do.

* For this song, I have to add something… How pathetic!! “Don’t you know how I hate to be alone..” This man is admitting that he cannot be happy and fulfilled in his own time, so how could he possibly bring anything of value to a relationship? The law of attraction says that this man will attract an equally unfulfilled woman who is seeking the pleasure of another’s company, and they will both be doomed to failure because they aren’t generating success, but taking pleasure bit by bit. Paragon of terminal relationships.

No Doubt
You and your museum of lovers, a precious collection you’ve housed in your covers, my simpleness threatened by my own admission…But I still love to wash in your old bathwater love to think that you couldn’t love another I can’t help it, you’re my kind of man…I know I’m diving into my own destruction.

Yeasayer
Now the world can be an unfair place at times, but your lows will have their complement of highs…You must stick up for yourself son, never mind what anybody else done. Stick up for yourself son, never mind what anybody else done.

*I can’t tell you how many times this song helped me through really rough patches of my life. Thank you Yeasayer.

Lay Low
I believe that my heart skips a beat every time I’m thinking that you wanna leave me, when I’m thinking that it’s over for us I’m falling again, falling again.

John Lennon
Instant Karma’s gonna get you, gonna knock you off your feet. Better recognize your brothers- everyone you meet. Why in the world are we here? Surely not to live in pain in fear. Why on earth are you there, when you’re everywhere, gonna get your share.

Harry George Johns
You’ve been fucked all evening and your love has no feeling and I made the mistake that you cared. I’m not saying goodbye, I’m not saying it’s forever now, I’m just paying the price for falling harder than I shoulda done. I’m gonna drink myself to sleep.

Good Field
Stay true to the one, who loves you. Stay true to the one… Oh oh ohhh. Oh God please, tell me, I need to know, what it means to love like you. Oh Hosanna, won’t you come won’t you come my way.

Fleet Foxes
My brother where do you intend to go tonight, I’ve heard that you’ve missed a connecting flight to the Blue Ridge Mountains, over near Tennessee, you’re ever welcome with me anytime you like, let’s drive to the countryside leave behind some green-eyed look alike, so none gets worried no more. But Sean, don’t get careless, I love you, I love you oh brother of mine.

The only very mainstream song on here is by No Doubt because mostly every song that you hear on the radio is about: 1. Wanting to have sex with somebody, regardless of what they have to offer in a relationship. 2. How bad someone got hurt by someone else and how it’s all the other person’s fault. 3. How bad someone wants another person back because they are so alone and miserable…On and on it goes with the disempowerment, the ephemeral pleasure, and the brokenness.

Your Real Contributions as an Artist

If broken families who don’t have security and lasting fulfillment are the biggest part of war, how is your music either contributing to it or creating peace?

Ultimately, peace and war are within us. You won’t be able to change your content unless you decide to change the way you live your life. If the world were more peaceful, I wouldn’t be calling on men and women to change the way they think and live. But, as it stands, we are embroiled in divorce, depression, disempowerment, repression, insecurity, isolation, brokenness and fear. If what you are singing about glorifies the lifestyle that leads to unfulfilled relationships, divorce, loneliness, and momentary pleasure at the expense of a lifetime of happiness, you are supporting war.

For humans, happiness is something that we have to plan for. Planning is such a fundamental part of our existence as humans because we have such massive brain power. We don’t have the massive brain power just for show; we have it because we need it to love. Planning is unique to us and separates us from most other animals, and for this reason, we can’t just do it like animals. Other animals don’t have the extensive brain capacity, so obviously they have no need for planning in the structures of their families and communities. This is where the confusion of “naturally” and “thoughtlessly” stems from- just because it requires thought doesn’t mean that it isn’t natural.

The human society is extraordinarily complex as opposed to the very simple nature of most other animal’s social structures. Our culture is so profoundly rich and beautiful, and it is a privilege which requires the art of planning to maintain. Our relationships are profoundly rich and complex, and so they are a privilege which requires planning and thought. Our families are profoundly rich and complex, and so the privilege of family requires us to plan and actively think to form and maintain them.

If we don’t plan for our lives, we lose ourselves and we lose the privilege of being happy and natural just like all of the other creatures. Does a person plan to be poor? Does a person plan to be homeless? Does a person plan to divorce and experience the heartache and misery of a bad relationship? Does a person plan to raise their children so that the children think that brokenness, pain, heartache, loneliness, and divorce are all normal? The answer is simply and irrefutably no. No one would want to plan to experience lives that they wouldn’t want to live.

So why don’t more people plan, if the alternative is so obviously bad? Simply enough, we are culture creatures. Whatever the prevailing thought train is, we have a proclivity to embrace it because society is so fundamentally important to our existence. Think about it: What would life be like if we didn’t have a natural desire for camaraderie and strong social ties? This biological drive is the reason why all of our contributions to the broken world can be so easily forgiven. It is the easiest thing in the world to jump off the cliff when we see everyone else doing it because human connection is what makes this life worth living.

Your Obligation

As a musician and as persons with such a profound influence on the minds of your listeners, I enjoin you to call people back from the cliff. I call you to fill your songs with information that will inspire people to live lives of lasting fulfillment and happiness. I beg you to fill your songs with beliefs that will help people to live freely and to express their truth. Please fill your music with uplifting, wholesome thoughts that portray the genuine beauty of men, women, and the sheer joy that comes when we actually plan to make the love that we desire.

Noah and the Whale has it right on when they speak of forgiveness, acceptance, self belief, faith, hope and love. They make it sound so good, and they inspire others to reflect on their thoughts and the qualities that make life worth living.

The artists that I listed in the war category are individuals whom I have tremendous respect for their talent and craft. The music is sophisticated, the melodies are dreamy and the feelings are strong. I want to reiterate that I have nothing but respect for these artists and their music. That said, I cannot abide filling my head with information that would produce a life that I wouldn’t plan for. I cannot for a moment listen to words that speak of fulfillment and power lying outside of one’s self, because that is where want comes from. That is where loneliness comes from. That is where war comes from.

Think of it like this: If you have no want, then you have no war. If life is what we make it, we need to take the responsibility for making love ourselves, of finding fulfillment and happiness within ourselves, and of finding meaning inside of ourselves. If life is what we make it, we ought to make it peaceful by the way we plan, and that starts with the thoughts that we entertain. Much the same way you wouldn’t hang around a friend who has no interest in your happiness, neither should you surround yourself with information that speaks of brokenness.

In order to make peace, not war, we must have no want, which is just to have. If we desire to experience something, we can’t just want it; we have to be it. That may sound strange, but when you consider that our thoughts are what reality is made of, then being is absolutely a choice that we have in every moment that we are capable of thought. If we want a beautiful reality, we have to think those beautiful, loving and lasting thoughts.

If we want to maintain those thoughts, we cannot willfully subject ourselves to information that would oppose our end goals, but moreover we must add to our beautiful thoughts with the information we selectively choose. For this reason, I have effectively weeded out the bulk of my music collection within the past few years and replaced it with classical music. The message in classical music is of infinite creativity, expression, appreciation for beauty, and so on.

Though I respect and appreciate classical music, I miss my bands and I hate not being able to listen to the friggin awesome music that so many artists are putting out. I miss the singer/songwriter, I miss the three piece bands, and I miss the sensations that can only come through the music of one’s generation. I find solace in amazing bands like Noah and the Whale, Sufjan Stevens, Good field, Andrew Bird, Busman’s Holiday, D.D Dumbo and more.

A Well Examined Life- How Your Music Creates the World Around Us

We must add to the beauty that we selectively choose. This is the reason that Socrates said that a well examined life is the only life worth living. If you don’t examine and filter the information that surrounds you, you will be owned by the negative thoughts that you would never plan for. Examine your thoughts. Examine your music. Examine the life that provides the material for your music. Are you being led off of the cliff, or are you helping to lead others to the abundance that life has already given us?

If all success is gained by helping others to gain success, could you call yourself successful? Even if you made millions of dollars, if you aren’t helping others to achieve their own success and fulfillment, you aren’t providing anything of actual value. Just because others prize a thing and will pay you for it doesn’t mean it has actual value, it only means that they have been conned into supporting something that contradicts their own lasting success. At the most basic level, will singing about one night stands, about how your happiness lies in another person, and about limiting behaviors and thoughts help any person in any way?

The songs may sound pleasant because they evoke feeling, but what happens when the pleasant experience of the song fades away? Will your audience be left with a message that will help them to attract lasting fulfillment and satisfaction, or will they be left with messages of want, of desolation and of heartache that lead them to seek fulfillment outside of themselves? Think about it, because you are important. Think about it because your words are actively shaping this culture and the people within.

What do you want our culture to be characterized by? I’d think that respect, decency, courage, valor, honesty, humility, happy families, intelligence, commitment, kindness, encouragement, creativity, beauty, boldness, lasting love, forgiveness, responsibility, gratitude, empathy, generosity, admiration and brilliance would be qualities that no one would argue against, and that many would argue for. If you want our culture to be characterize by these amazing traits, you have to personally bring them forth through your work. You can’t say that you desire peace and then wage war through your words and actions.

What You Call Love Could Well Be War- The Truth of Our Actions

Hypocrisy is a trait that has been reviled since time immemorial, yet we have become nothing more than a nation of hypocrites because it is convenient; because everyone else is doing it, and because it is comfortable to continue doing so. Is there anything honest or courageous about telling a person that you give your entire self to them with your body, and then abandon them with your words and deeds? No, honesty and courage have little involvement in such impropriety. Honesty is truthfulness, and courage is a person’s commitment to truth.

With humans, the act of sex says that you want to share life with someone; that you want to create life with them. If you have no desire of creating a life with someone but moreover would be terrified of the thought, the act of sex would render you a coward; someone who is neither honest nor courageous. An honest and courageous man or woman would be proud to have the truth of their love for each other bring another life into this world, because life is awesome and creation is what we are here for.  Are you seeing where this is heading? Yep- Planning.

Our children are amazingly complex and beautiful beings who take up to a quarter of a century to mature. In that time, they need the instruction of two loving parents so that they can have the advantage of knowing what love is, rather than searching blindly for years on end. As one who had toiled for years searching for love outside of myself, I can tell you that it is impossibly painful. Our nature is love, so to raise a child outside of his or her nature is cruel, albeit not unusual in this day.

Unlike the other animals, we can’t make love unless we plan for it. Love would never say to a child- “You’re not worth sticking around for. Oh, and by the way, you don’t deserve a mom and dad that love each other with all their hearts. Nah, you don’t have security and faith in love.” Nope, that isn’t the language of love, but that is precisely what we say when we have sex without actually committing to a person and to the future.

Broken families with children who don’t believe in love are the greatest contributors and causes of war. Broken families and broken children are direct results of moms and dads who did not plan for each other and who did not plan for their children. They are the result of men and women who chose pleasure over love. Men and women wouldn’t choose pleasure at the expense of their futures if they were taught to plan for love, and if they found fulfillment and satisfaction in preparing for a lifetime of commitment with another person.  That life of planning and fulfillment is called chastity, which is another word for mastery of sexual desire. Distinct from words like abstinence and celibacy, chastity is about what you do, not what you don’t. Imagine walking into a party and having to describe your life by what you don’t do. Nobody would listen to you, and somebody might actually die of boredom.

Chastity Redefined

Chastity says, “You are beautiful. Because I admire your beauty, I am inspired to bring out the best within myself in all of the creative things that I do. Through your inspiration and my decision to act respectfully and intelligently, I will have more knowledge of myself and more value to bring into a relationship.  This way, I have a complete man to offer a complete woman in a lifetime of learning, respect, admiration and creation.”

Chastity acknowledges sexual desire as fundamental to our existence and channels that desire creatively and respectfully for a full discovery of self and for a complete offering within a marriage.  Since the highest order of creation as a man or woman is bringing a new life into the world, sex is the culmination of our sexual desire. Sex is not repressed, like in abstinence, but is celebrated in the context of marriage, where the fruits of such creativity are prepared for, embraced and loved to no end.  In preparing for the culmination of sexual desire, a chaste man or woman practices mastery every day by expressing the full range of their creativity through their desire. This mastery leads to fulfillment in self, exploration, purpose, value, and a whole person who is not content for a moment’s pleasure but only a lifetime of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction.  For one who recognizes that their birthright is lasting happiness, chastity is the adventure of a lifetime.

Chastity is having a vision of something better and living it out joyfully and adventurously on a daily basis. A chaste person isn’t remotely concerned about what they aren’t doing because they are too busy exploring the infinite possibilities of their creativity in love. Love is healing, abundant and creative, whereas falseness begets brokenness, separation and emptiness. A chaste man who sees a beautiful woman sees his wife and children, and is in complete awe of the gift that she truly is to the world of peace. A chaste man will offer a prayer for that inspiring woman and her husband, because he knows that everyone deserves a lifetime of happiness and satisfaction.  A chaste man or woman would never settle for the fleeting and whimpering highs that pleasure for pleasure’s sake has to offer, because, they are intelligent enough to know that we deserve and are capable of so much more than occasional peaks of pleasure in a valley of brokenness.

Outside of chastity, husbands wives and children are not prepared for. Because they are not prepared for and are human, they are not loved properly (remember our big brains?). Because they are not loved properly, they will always look to fill the void of love outside of themselves.  Enter: cheating, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, separation, divorce, and children who grow up without stability and without faith in love.  This is a crime because we all deserve so much better, and all we have to do is plan for it!

 

 

If you speak of sex or making love with someone outside of the context of total commitment and faith (marriage), you are really talking about war. If you are filling your music with such information, you aren’t helping your audience to succeed but are helping them to attract a life that they would never plan for. Would you plan for a broken heart, a broken marriage and insecure children? If not, stop writing music that would attract such a reality and write something better.

Do The World a Favor and…

Write something useful that would inspire men and women to bring out their best selves. Fill your music with information that would help a man or woman to attract the lasting commitment and fulfillment that we all desire and deserve. Fill your music with information that glorifies the beauty of men and women, and hails our adventures together in the creation of a free world.

Your music is a strong part of the fabric of our culture- make your strand one of lasting love, of empowerment to fulfill one’s own self, and of commitment to creating peace on this earth. You are powerful and your influence is vast, so please use your power to help others achieve the success they desire inside and outside of relationships. If you can’t do that, then please make a special track for me without the words.

Sincerely,

 

Daniel Dowling

Author, mentor, future amazing husband and father, and lover of music.

dowlingwriter.com

 

Being to Have

 

You cannot have what you are in what of, you can only have what you know to be yours. For this reason, you must be the love of your life to have the love of your life. If you never had yourself, you will never have another, and your relationships will fall to fear and want. If you want a lasting and fulfilling relationship with yourself and with your spouse, follow these bold strategies.

 

Have yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself and embrace yourself. Be fulfilled in yourself and look forward to spending the rest of your life with you. Until you do this, you absolutely cannot attract someone who will be equally thrilled and fulfilled with themselves to build a lifetime of love and satisfaction with. Until you are a mentor to others, until you have mentors yourself, until you are active and involved in creating peace and success in your community, and until you have mastered your own life, your relationships will fall short.

Part of yourself is the things you have yet to accomplish that are instrumental to your success. You have to see your successful and fulfilled self as who you are now. This way, the energy you spend in accomplishing the goals and challenges you set is seen as worthwhile and relevant. You have to see your spouse and children as playing active roles in your life now from the future. With this perspective, you can strive to fill their needs and to complete the things you need to to accommodate them, and to provide a stable and committed love that will last a lifetime. To be, you must have.

All of the natural institutions for mankind actively support the others. Strong relationships lead to marriages, and strong marriages lead to strong communities. If you take part in strengthening the community before marriage, you prepare yourself and strengthen your future marriage. If you focus on creating strong and giving relationships with your friends, you will strengthen a community that will in turn support happily married couples and their children, who will in turn strengthen each of the natural institutions. This is good for kids, parents, business partners, and everyone else. Take charge of what you have by giving it to yourself every day by following the blueprint of belief; the law of attraction.

You want a committed and faithful partner who honors you and respects you, who treasures your company and who relishes the thought of spending a lifetime together with you? If so, commit to yourself and commit to that partner, even if you haven’t met them. If they are in your future, they are directly connected to you right now, so practice now like you want to play.

Be faithful to yourself, and be faithful to your spouse. How would your spouse feel if he or she knew that you were skeezing around without any faith? How would you feel knowing that you weren’t giving your best effort for the thing you want to last a lifetime? Whether you have met your partner or not, you are directly connected, past present and future. With this in mind, practice your faith in them by increasing it in yourself here and now. Hint: You won’t find that faith in other people.

Lifelong happiness and fulfillment aren’t built on STDS, they aren’t built on seeking fulfillment in the temporary pleasure of another’s body, they aren’t built on unplanned children that aren’t related to your spouse, and they aren’t built on intense chemical attachments that you invariably form with each sex partner.  Lifelong happiness and fulfillment are built on faith.

This is to say nothing of all the emotional baggage and negative beliefs that can be exchanged through sex outside of love. If you have had many sex partners, like I had, this doesn’t mean that you can’t have lasting and fulfilled happiness with your spouse. It simply means that you have work to do to free yourself from those attachments. The more you rely on faith and wisdom in living a rich life, you will see former attachments fall to the wayside. Anything that held you back from the truth of your highest self is an attachment, no matter how good it felt.

 

Honor and respect yourself

Do this by mastering your desires and your potential. If you don’t use your desires to achieve your greatest potential, you will become a slave to them. If you are pursuing feelings with a person who will not lead to marriage, think of all of the plans and goals you have yet to complete that would make you more available, more rich, more wise and more abundant for the one you will share a lifetime with. Your sexual desires are the stuff of legend- everything beautiful that has ever been built is ultimately connected to it. Just like any other tool, you can use it in an honorable and respectful way that builds you up, or, you can use it to reach low hanging fruit.  Entirely up to you.

 

Treasure your company.

If you find yourself itching to dial up an old flame to relieve your boredom, think about yourself first. Would seeking momentary gratification in another truly alleviate the restlessness and boredom that you harbor? It’ll suppress it for a time, but you won’t have accomplished anything that will add to your future or your family. Because of this, I suggest focusing so intensely on the awesome talents you have and the new ones you want to explore that there will never be a dull moment. Each moment, whether in your head, in a book or in real life, you can be building up your talents and interests that will lead to a more fulfilled, exciting and enjoyable life.

What are the things that you really, really want to master? Don’t push them off another second, because you play like you practice. You can’t keep pushing away the responsibility for living a high energy and intensely interesting life and expect to extract those awesome qualities in a relationship. Go. Out. Side. Get three books on the top three subjects that interest you, and then get audiobooks on new subjects that fascinate you. Do spontaneous ninja-kicks. In order to be interesting, you have to be interested. Happy marriages that last lifetimes are built on interesting people who are interested in each other so much that they continue to learn and explore with one another for an entire lifetime.

If you are interested, you will never be bored. If you are interested, you will always have something to do and something new to learn, some milestone to achieve. Interested is a feeling that is driven by an action,  which is learning. If you aren’t interested in anything, then you have lost the art of learning. The good news is that you can pick this back up at any time by your will and your will alone. Commit to learning, plan on learning, set time aside for it, and believe that you are capable of being interested and interesting. Before you know it, you’ll be looking up YouTube videos and searching out new information without realizing, and then it will hit you: you’re doing this because you are interested!!

One of the biggest excuses for not bringing out the best in your self and focusing intensely on living passionately day in and day out is: I’m a romantic! What a load of craP with a capital P. I should know, because I used this for many years until I took responsibility for fulfilling my own needs, talents, passions and desires. I would claim that I just loved love too much, but the truth was that I really liked lust, and liked placing the responsibility for my own happiness in another’s hands. I used love as an excuse to turn away from my responsibility for creating joy and meaning in my life.

I only found success and lasting happiness when I devoted my time to the person who I would ultimately spend the rest of my life with…me!  With a good, devoted and faithful me who believes in lasting relationships, I am actively attracting the good and faithful wife whom I can share my life with. Until you have you and until you make that you a good you, you’ll float in and out of relationships, wherever the feelings dictate. Until you are committed to yourself and to other people, you will be committed to the feelings which flow in and out of relationships, leaving a trail of debris in their wake.
Take charge of your life and relationships by getting over your limiting beliefs and having what you used to want. I like the quote by Yoda- “There is no try, only do”. I have a corollary. There is no want, only be.